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Ultimate Film Guide 2014

Yes, the Ultimate Film Guide is back! This is the ultimate list of all things science fiction, horror, fantasy, speculative, or just plain weird that are coming out this year. Print out and display in a prominent place for maximum film contact.

16 January

Devil’s Due – After a mysterious, lost night on their honeymoon, a newly-wed couple finds themselves dealing with an earlier-than-planned pregnancy. While recording everything for posterity, the husband begins to notice odd behaviour in his wife that they initially write off to nerves, but, as the months pass, it becomes evident that the dark changes to her body and mind have a much more sinister origin. If you’re not already fed up of found footage movies, this might be up your street.

17 January

Collider – There’s no information up for this film. It’s listed as science fiction, and that’s about it.

The Devil’s Bargain - Again, no information about this. I’m guessing it’s probably horror.

20 January

The Station – Scientists working in the German Alps discover that a glacier is leaking a liquid that appears to be affecting local wildlife.

27 January

The Girl at the End of the World - Katie and Dan are in a long distance relationship but when a catastrophic event knocks out all technology, they must find a way across oceans and land to be with each other at the end of the world. This missed the apocolypse trend of 2012 and 2013, but it might still be interesting.

29 January

I, Frankenstein – This was pushed back from last year (never a good sign). It’s about Frankenstein’s monster being a monster hunter, but seeing as they can’t even get the name of the monster right, this looks like pure schlock. Good for a fun night out though.

 

7 February

RoboCop - In 2028 Detroit, when Alex Murphy – a loving husband, father and good cop – is critically injured in the line of duty, the multinational conglomerate OmniCorp sees their chance for a part-man, part-robot police officer. You know the story of RoboCop. What remains to be seen is if this remake can match the original.

Mr. Peabody & Sherman - Another film pushed back to a later release date. A film version of the classic American cartoon, this looks about as good as those Smurfs films.

10 February

The Curse of Ba’al - No synopsis for this film yet. It seems to be a bog standard horror film, probably cashing in on the current trend for demons.

14 February

The Lego Movie - An ordinary LEGO minifigure, mistakenly thought to be the extraordinary MasterBuilder, is recruited to join a quest to stop an evil LEGO tyrant from gluing the universe together. OK, the Lego games are good and funny, but this might be a step too far.

The Pirate Fairy – This is yet another Tinkerbell movie, because Disney is not going to stop milking a successful cash cow. Still, it has Tom Hiddleston and Christina Hendricks in it, so it might be divertingly enjoyable.

The Universe - This is listed as being ‘sci fi’ but has no other information.

17 February

Dragon Day - A family getaway to a mountain town turns deadly when China launches a massive cyberattack against the USA, forcing former NSA engineer Duke Evans to fight to save his wife and daughter in the New World Order.

18 February

The Last Scout - Another science fiction film with no synopsis available. Honestly, what’s so hard about providing a vague summary of a plot?

19 February

Vampire Academy - Rose Hathaway is a Dhampir, half human/vampire, guardians of the Moroi, peaceful, mortal vampires living discretely within our world. Her legacy is to protect the Moroi from bloodthirsty, immortal Vampires, the Strigoi. This is her story. The tagline is ‘They Suck at School’. I would suggest that this ought to be shortened.

21 February

Pompeii - Hey look, it’s Titanic with a volcano instead.

Only Lovers Left Alive – A story centred on two vampires who have been in love for centuries. With Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston starring, this film has had some massive hype. It looks fascinating, and is one of my most eagerly anticipated films of the year.

Winter’s Tale - A burglar falls for an heiress as she dies in his arms. When he learns that he has the gift of reincarnation, he sets out to save her.

Welcome to Yesterday - A group of teens discover secret plans of a time machine, and construct one. However, things start to get out of control.

26 February

The Book Thief - Another of my top films for this year. While subjected to the horrors of World War II Germany, young Liesel finds solace by stealing books and sharing them with others. Under the stairs in her home, a Jewish refugee is being sheltered by her adoptive parents. This film – and the book it’s based on – are narrative by the omnipresent figure of Death. It’s a beautiful story, and hopefully the film does it justice.

28 February

Legacy of Thorn – Four years ago, Jess and her friends lived a nightmare that has left her almost killed by the unstoppable killer ‘Thorn’. Four years later, Jessica and the survivors make an attempt to stop him once and for all.

 

3 March

The Human Race – Battle Royale with running.

6 March

The Hypnophile - ‘The Hypnophile is the first in a series of sick and twisted thrillers where the unexpected darkness becomes a reality and your nightmares are the only rest bite between the utter mayhem and madness that unleashes at the hands of the Hypnophile the owner of your mind, your dreams and your soul. There will be NO ESCAPE FROM HER.’ Of course.

7 March

The Grand Budapest Hotel - The adventures of Gustave H, a legendary concierge at a famous European hotel between the wars, and Zero Moustafa, the lobby boy who becomes his most trusted friend. It’s a Wes Anderson film, so it’s guaranteed to be weird and wonderful.

300: Rise of an Empire - The Greek general Themistocles battles an invading army of Persians under the mortal-turned-god, Xerxes.

10 March

Memory Lane – An orphaned war-veteran routinely travels between our world and the afterlife in search of his fiance’s killer by stopping and starting his own heart.

14 March

Under the Skin - An alien seductress preys upon hitchhikers in Scotland. Another really interesting film that I would recommend seeing.

The Zero Theorem - A computer hacker’s goal to discover the reason for human existence continually finds his work interrupted thanks to the Management; this time, they send a teenager and lusty love interest to distract him. This is the new Terry Gilliam film. I am an unashamed Gilliam fan, and this is one of 2014′s highlights.

17 March

Cabin Fever: Patient Zero – A flesh-eating virus spreads throughout a cruise ship in the Caribbean after it crashes into an abandoned scientific research boat.

28 March

Captain America: The Winter Soldier - Steve Rogers struggles to embrace his role in the modern world and battles a new threat from old history: the Soviet agent known as the Winter Soldier. I AM VERY EXCITE.

Muppets Most Wanted - While on a grand world tour, The Muppets find themselves wrapped into an European jewel-heist caper headed by a Kermit the Frog look-alike and his dastardly sidekick.

Noah - Darren Arnofsky’s retelling of the Biblical myth, where he magically makes ancient Palestine entirely populated by white people.

31 March

Valley of the Demon - Another independent British horror film. This was all the information I could find.

 

1 April

Dead Walkers: Rise of the 4th Reich - It’s a film about zombie Nazis.

4 April

Divergent - Beatrice Prior, a teenager with a special mind, finds her life threatened when an authoritarian leader seeks to exterminate her kind in her effort to seize control of their divided society. Based on a YA book series, I have heard mixed things. It might be a good popcorn flick.

The Double – A comedy centered on a man who is driven insane by the appearance of his doppleganger.

11 April

The Quiet Ones - A University physics professor assembles a team to help create a poltergeist.

18 April

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 - Peter Parker runs the gauntlet as the mysterious company Oscorp sends up a slew of supervillains against him, impacting on his life. I’m hoping this film is as good as the first one.

Magic Magic - A naive young tourist’s road trip across Chile with friends turns into a waking nightmare.

25 April

Transcendence – A terminally ill scientist downloads his mind into a computer. This grants him power beyond his wildest dreams, and soon he becomes unstoppable.

28 April

Geek Undead – A mild-mannered IT tech fights zombies.

 

2 May

Frank – A comedy about a young wannabe musician, Jon, who discovers he’s bitten off more than he can chew when he joins an eccentric pop band led by the mysterious and enigmatic Frank.

16 May

Godzilla – RUN! IT’S GODZILLA!

22 May

X-Men: Days of Future Past – The X-Men send Wolverine to the past in a desperate effort to change history and prevent an event that results in doom for both humans and mutants. Another film I am very much looking forward to!

27 May

Soldiers of the Damned – Nazi soldiers and the occult.

30 May

Maleficent – The “Sleeping Beauty” tale is told from the perspective of the villainous Maleficent and looks at the events that hardened her heart and drove her to curse young Princess Aurora.

Edge of Tomorrow – A soldier fighting in a war with aliens finds himself caught in a time loop of his last day in the battle, though he becomes better skilled along the way.

The Midnight Horror Show - The Moreau Family travel around the UK putting on an underground variety show for an adult audience. But behind the curtain there is something more sinister going on than simple entertainment.

 

1 June

AfterDeath – Five young people wake up dead. Washed up by the tide they scramble to an abandoned beach house, soon realising that the perpetual night and blasts of pain suggest this is some version of hell. Between in-fighting and attacks by a demonic shadow creature, they recall the collapse of the nightclub that brought them here – and begin seeing hope of a second chance in the cabin’s two mysterious paintings…

Cute Little Buggers - English knock-off of Gremlins.

The Redwood Massacre – The Redwood Massacre horror story is legend throughout Scotland. Every year party-goers flock to the site on the anniversary of the murders. A group of campers heading for the house soon find themselves being stalked by a mysterious evil.

14 June

Eve – A year on from the outbreak in a lonely world where the remaining survivors of humanity are hunted down by a new evolutionary threat. Our group who are now down to just four stumble onto an abandoned refugee\ evac center looking for food, with deadly consequences.

30 June

C.O.O.L.I.O Time Travel Gangster – A film about London Gangsters, Time Travel and Good verses Evil. As a young disbelieving reporter interviews the oldest man on earth, she unwittingly discovers how history is changing before her very eyes.

 

4 July

How to Train Your Dragon 2 – It’s been five years since Hiccup and Toothless successfully united dragons and vikings on the island of Berk. While Astrid, Snoutlout and the rest of the gang are challenging each other to dragon races (the island’s new favorite contact sport), the now inseparable pair journey through the skies, charting unmapped territories and exploring new worlds. When one of their adventures leads to the discovery of a secret ice cave that is home to hundreds of new wild dragons and the mysterious Dragon Rider, the two friends find themselves at the center of a battle to protect the peace. Now, Hiccup and Toothless must unite to stand up for what they believe while recognizing that only together do they have the power to change the future of both men and dragons.

10 July

Transformers: Age of Extinction - oh, who really cares at this point?

17 July

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes – Survivors of the simian plague trigger an all-out war between humanity and Caesar’s growing forces.

25 July

Jupiter Ascending – In a universe where humans are near the bottom of the evolutionary ladder, a young destitute human woman is targeted for assassination by the Queen of the Universe because her very existence threatens to end the Queen’s reign.

 

1 August

Guardians of the Galaxy – In the far reaches of space, an American pilot named Peter Quill finds himself the object of a manhunt after stealing an orb coveted by the villainous Ronan.

6 August

Nightfall – Two friends discover a vampire conspiracy to enslave the human race.

8 August

Hercules - Having enduring his legendary twelve labors, Hercules, the Greek demigod, has his life as a sword-for-hire tested when the King of Thrace and his daughter seek his aid in defeating a tyrannical warlord. This film has Dwayne Johnson, John Hurt, and Ian McShane, so it sounds pretty epic.

15 August

The Expendables 3 – The third instalment of the action-adventure franchise that follows the exploits of Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, and their associates.

22 August

Deliver Us from Evil – NY police officer Ralph Sarchie, investigates a series of crimes. He joins forces with an unconventional priest, schooled in the rituals of exorcism, to combat the possessions that are terrorizing their city.

29 August

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For – The town’s most hard-boiled citizens cross paths with some of its more reviled inhabitants.

 

1 September

Rock Band Vs Vampires – Oh dear.

12 Septmber

The Boxtrolls – A young orphaned boy raised by underground cave-dwelling trash collectors tries to save his friends from an evil exterminator. Based on the children’s novel ‘Here Be Monsters’ by Alan Snow.

3 October

Dracula Untold – Vampire mythology combined with the true history of Prince Vlad to tell the ‘origin’ of Dracula.

10 October

Broken Nation – A futuristic Magnificent Seven set in a post apocalyptic Britain.

17 October

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Michael Bay wasn’t content ruining one franchise.

24 October

The Maze Runner – Battle Royale in a maze.

Paranormal Activity 5 – Exactly the same the same things that happened in the last four films are bound to occur in this one. Do not expect any significant changes.

31 October

Invasion of the Not Quite Dead – In 1978 a deadly virus is contained… Thirty years later the virus is released on an unsuspecting island off the coast of England in this ‘unique’ take on the Zombie genre.

Ouija – 9 friends take a camping trip into the woods, only to find they are not alone.

Facility 31 – Guilt-ridden Army prisoner Rosie Hinton has to lead a group of detainees to safety when a clean-up of an abandoned facility unleashes a sinister secret.

 

1 November

Blind Date – Charlie and Maggie are both looking for that special someone, after meeting through a dating website they agree to go on a date. What follows, no one can expect.

7 November

Interstellar – A group of explorers make use of a newly discovered wormhole to surpass the limitations on human space travel and conquer the vast distances involved in an interstellar voyage.

21 November

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part One – Katniss Everdeen reluctantly becomes the symbol of a mass rebellion against the autocratic Capitol. One of my top picks for the year.

 

1 December

Hadron – As humanity battles swarms of flesh-eating bugs, a teenage girl is forced to go on the run with her younger sister, and discovers powers of her own that maybe the key to saving the world.

5 December

Exodus - This is a film about Moses, and the exodus of the Jews from Egypt. However, I am disgusted that this film has an all-white cast when they are portraying Africans and Palestinians. I really would advise that you avoid both films for their appalling whitewashing.

12 December

Home – A group of aliens seek refuge from their enemies by hiding out on Earth.

19 December

The Hobbit: There and Back Again – Another film I am eagerly waiting for. The trilogy of Hobbit films conclude.

21 December

Tales of Albion – Myths, legends and folklore of Britain re-told in eight interwoven tales.

26 December

Night at the Museum – Hopefully, this is better than the last film.

 

 

 

 

* All information is correct at time of posting, but dates may be altered or changed over the course of the year.

 

twilight-movie-poster-6

6 Reasons to See the Twilight films (And 1 Reason Not To)

The Twilight series, love it or loathe it, pushes itself into the sci-fi genre by claiming that the vampires are science based (while using magic and supernatural abilities).  And love them or loathe them, there are reasons to watch the film series.

6. Michael Sheen is fabulous.

I really believe they were starving him on set judging by the huge amounts of scenery he devours in these films.  Any film with Michael Sheen in is instantly enjoyable and the Twilight films are no exception. He hamms it up wonderfully.

5. There is a build-up to the climax and actual action scenes in the films.

Content aside, one of the major problems with the plots of the Twilight books is that they go nowhere.  There is very little build-up to the climax, which fizzles out with a whimper, avoiding actual confrontation or action.  In the films, this is completely changed.  The climaxes are actually foreshadowed and worked towards in the films.  Instead of just focusing on the Cullens obsessively, the villains and their nefarious schemes are introduced and developed (well, developed as well as they can be).  And in the third act, action scenes actually happen.  Heads get popped off.  People get set on fire.  Fighting actually happens.

4. The racism is turned way down.

The books are full of Unfortunate Implications on the racism scale – uh, the vampire venom ‘bleaches’ skin pigments – but luckily, they ignore this in the films and have vampires of ethnic backgrounds actually, you know, keep their ethnicity.

3. Fanservice for everyone!

Like any other teen flick, the Twilight films come stuffed full of eye candy, in any flavour people might pick.  From gorgeous models-

- to the abtastic -

- to the petite and pretty -

- to the older gentleman.

If the less-than-stellar plots don’t enthral you, the people on screen will at least distract you.

2. The screenwriters actually turned them into people.

The characters in the Twilight series suffer from a terrible condition known as Cardboardis Extremis; that is, the characters are just that – characters.  They never feel realistic as they never act like people; they don’t seem to have strong feelings on anything, and have a few personality traits to buoy them up through the stories.  In the films…. Well, I honestly think the screenwriters need some awards because they turn these characters into genuinely believable, sympathetic and above all human characters, not cardboard cutouts, that we can relate to and cheer for.  Examples include Bella taking a cactus with her from Arizona, showing an interest in something other than Edward, her school chums actually having personalities, and above all, the Cullens actually having fun together as a family.  Seriously, they actually smile. Having them relatable as people makes a big difference.

1. These are the funniest films you will ever watch.

Like any bad movie, the Twilight films are hilarious to watch.  They are incredibly enjoyable in their badness.  Seriously, some of the best evenings I’ve had with my friends has been watching the Twilight films and riffing them.  They make for a most excellent evening.

And the one reason not to…

1. It’s still Twilight.

Honestly, what else did you expect me to say?  The plots are bad, the characters are still insipid, and there are still the unfortunate implications of racism, elitism and domestic abuse.  The acting and dialogue are still atrocious.  There are some good points, but they are outweighed by a whole load of bad. Now excuse me, but I must cleanse my brain after having to look up all these images.

tim_burton__s_catwoman_3_by_velvetneko-d4x37od

Best Comic Book Movie Cosplays

The second part in my look at the weird and wonderful world of cosplay, this week we’re taking a look at fans who’ve gone the extra mile in recreating their favourite comic book movie heroes – or villains.

Captain America: The First Avenger was a surprise of a film to many; I personally didn’t think much of the patriotic superhero. I think I can safely say that we were wowed by Chris Evans’s performance in the role and the charming nostalgic feel to it. These fans have gone the extra mile in recreating the showgirls in the film, proving you too can win World War 2 with legs.

Everyone loves a good villain, and Heath Ledger as the Joker was certainly one of the more memorable ones. A firm favourite with cosplayers, this excellent interpretation also comes with hired goons – a sure must for any version of the Clown Prince of Crime.

Whatever your personal opinion on Guillermo del Toro’s adaptation of the Hellboy comics, this is a great example of some creative and clever cosplay in a group. I’ve seen a lot of bad Hellboy costumes but this one truly looks like he’s walked from the film set.

  Tim Burton’s Batman Returns has become somewhat of a cult favourite and there are many attempts to recreate Michelle Pfeiffer’s iconic Catwoman catsuit. This is a fantastic and detailed version of such a famous costume.

Spiderman is a difficult costume to pull off; after all, how many of us can look good in bright red and blue spandex? This cosplayer has made his costume realistic while maintaining the classic Spidey look.

I appear to be making a habit of picking cosplays from contentious films! Silk Spectre is another favourite for lady cosplayers but I like this team up of the original Silk Spectre and her daughter.

A Loki cosplay is a particularly difficult one to pull off successfully; the costume is very fiddly and detailed. This hasn’t stopped people from being their favourite villain for the day and this is one my absolute favourites. The detail in this costume is amazing and he’s managed to perfect the Loki strut.

Anything involving Loki and Shawarma is always going to be hit with me!

Note: I am aware that the two Loki cosplayers are two different people; I can see that it’s two different people. That’s why the photos link to two different accounts. The Shawarma photo is by Fahrlight.

Next week, I’ll be looking at the gaming cosplay world, an yes, Final Fantasy may be involved.