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Is Harry Potter All A Dream?

A brilliant little piece from over at cracked.com, arguing that Harry Potter’s magical world is, in fact, a conscious attempt to escape the horrors of his abuse.

“It was all in his head” is one of the most cliched and disappointing endings a movie or series can possibly have. So it borders on surprising that J.K. Rowling never leaned on this tired twist in her beloved Harry Potter series. Or did she? Our evidence points to yes. Here’s why …

#4. He Was an Abused Child

Harry Potter is described as being small and skinny on account of being deprived of food. He also lives in a tiny cupboard underneath the stairs. To get any closer to the textbook definition of child abuse, you’d have to start punching kids yourself.


Harry is checked on by secret owl social workers.

Also, Harry’s aunt and uncle literally refuse to acknowledge him as a human being for most of his childhood. That’s emotional neglect, which is good enough for jail time in most states. Even if 99 percent of what they say is stupid, you still can’t just pretend your kids don’t exist without the authorities intervening at some point.

#3. It’s Called Fantasy Coping Theory

Just when the abuse and neglect are getting to be too much, Harry Potter is saved by a giant man on a magical flying motorcycle. This man takes Harry away to a place where he is wealthy, has tons of friends and can make snakes burst forth from the anus of any soul who dares to cross him. Oh, he’s also the best Quidditch player ever and a magician the likes of which are only seen performing levitation tricks on the streets of Las Vegas.

A lucky break for a kid who needed one desperately? Perhaps, but the more likely explanation for this turn of events is that Harry Potter is coping with his abusive home life by escaping into a fantasy world. It’s been documented that victims of abuse can escape into an alternate reality of sorts for years at a time when trying to deal with an abusive situation.


Just … don’t think about what the wand represents.

We accept that this is the far more depressing of the two options, but does it really make less sense than a homeless wizard on a flying motorcycle? Also …

#2. The Abuse Doesn’t Stop

Now this is where things get weird. Throughout the series, Harry is sent to the school hospital no less than six times. Not only does that far outpace any reported ER visits by his classmates, but his injuries stand out as well. While classmates visit for things like having their “skin complexion altered to resemble cornflakes,” Harry tends to get injured in more pedestrian ways, like a cracked skull or broken arm. Even more interestingly, there is almost always a bizarre, long-winded explanation for how these injuries happened.

Sadly, that’s just another clear sign of using fantasy to cope with abuse. For starters, broken bones and head injuries are among the most common injuries children will sustain when suffering from prolonged child abuse. To combat the pain, victims will often concoct elaborate stories to explain their injuries. You know, like saying you were injured because an elf cursed a magical steel baseball and made it smash you in the arm.

Over time, these stories will change and evolve, often revealing inconsistencies that might not make sense to the person on the outside listening in. And that’s why …

#1. All of Those Inconsistencies Make Sense Now

By far, one of the biggest criticisms of the Harry Potter series was the amount of stuff Rowling seemingly pulled out of her ass to explain the myriad details that made no sense. But if you buy into the theory that it’s all in Harry’s head, there’s a perfectly simple explanation for that. As Harry got more mature, his own fucked-up mind tried to explain away all of the unbelievable things his younger self came up with to avoid shattering the fantasy he’d created.


Plot holes aren’t the real issue here.

So, is the Harry Potter universe a massively flawed world where nothing makes sense because of shitty writing or a carefully woven tapestry of lies that eventually unravels as Harry slowly starves to death in his abusive uncle’s cupboard?

We’re not sure we want to know the answer.

Read the original: Why Hogwarts Was All in Harry’s Head: A Conspiracy Theory | Cracked.com

Ten Super Cool Sci-Fi Heroines

Sci-Fi/Fantasy films and television have had their fair share of lackluster ladies.  I recently came across an article that discussed the worst action heroines that have disgraced the small and silver screens.  Kennedy may be the most hated character in Buffyverse; Arwen was content to just sit around waiting for her man; and Queen Amidala let herself die of a broken heart despite her obligation as a new mother.  While these bad eggs exist, the superior women of Sci-Fi come along to remind us why we keep watching.  I’ve compiled a list of ten Sci-Fi heroines that top the chart of cool, in no particular order (because that would have been unfair, and way too exhausting):

1.  Buffy Summers  (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

She’s witty, she’s hot, and she’ll kick your vampy ass all over town.  Buffy changed the face of TV high school drama by giving girls the aspiration to carry stakes and crossbows in their purse instead of just lipstick.  Along with the Scoobie gang, many of us shared the same touchstones of growing up, just perhaps without the bloodshed.  Buffy’s graduation, the death of a parent, and tumultuous love were all some of the things we could relate to, expertly written by Joss Whedon and his team.  But perhaps most of the credit should be given to SMG, who’s depth, sarcasm, and playful wit brought the legendary Slayer of Sunnydale to life.

2.  Princess Leia Organa  (Star Wars trilogy)

An iconic figure since the debut of Star Wars, Leia was the princess that empowered young girls.  She proved that royalty could be headstrong, intelligent, and didn’t wear a bra (feminist statement or lack of underwire in space?  you be the judge).  Leia’s hair started a cultural phenomena, and her gold bikini is still pretty hot over twenty years later.  You would think the daughter of Amidala might be clingy, but Leia loved Han Solo and orchestrated a mission to rescue him.  Leia is worthy of all the praise, and the action figures.

3.  Leeloo  (The Fifth Element)

What if the key to saving Earth and all of humanity was 5’8, strikingly beautiful, and running around in strategically placed bandages?  Leeloo is not only all of these things, she’s also adorable when eating chicken and figuring out make-up.  She can also kick major alien ass and learn the entire human history in a few hours.  No one can forget “Leeloo Dallas, Mulitpass”, or that strange neon orange hair that only Milla Jovovich can pull off.  Let’s just be glad Corbin Dallas is sexy enough to convince her the Earth’s worth saving.

4.  Hermoine Granger  (Harry Potter series)

She’s the youngest lady on this list, but she certainly packs an academic wallop worthy of being recognized.  Hermoine is known at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for being a know-it-all, Muggle-born, and the brightest witch of her age.  Though she doesn’t fight with her fists (okay, there was that one awesome time – Malfoy!), Hermoine wages battle with her mind and her trusty wand, which might be even cooler.  Smarts and intellect count for a lot in my book, and Hermoine certainly makes the grade.

5.  Sydney Bristow  (Alias)

What’s cooler than getting to dress up and kick ass while doing it?  Sydney and her endless trunk of disguises played double agent for the CIA in J.J. Abram’s entertaining spy drama.  Syd had Daddy issues, a mysterious (and sexy) spy boyfriend, and Bradley Cooper as a best friend (lucky girl).  Syd dealt with a lot of hardships, but her sweetness and determination saw her through the darkest times, including a zombie sister and an evil best friend.  But after a tough day of saving the world, Agent Bristow seemed like the kind of super spy you could just share a drink and some girl talk with.  The best spy is the relatable kind.   

6.  Ellen Ripley  (Alien saga)

Sigourney Weaver made women just as valuable as men on the final frontier.  No longer were they in the background translating dialects (no offense, Uhura) or waiting around to be saved.  Ripley, throughout the Alien movies, did what she had to do to stay alive where no one would hear her scream.  She protected her team, her child, and the world from aliens and corporate corruption by sacrificing her own safety and eventually her life.  Ripley bended gender stereotypes and gave Hollywood a new kind of action hero, not afraid to shoot a gun in her skivvies.

7.  Juliet Burke  (Lost)

On a mysterious island that no one can find, Juliet manages to maintain her cool surprisingly well.  If you’ve watched an episode of Lost, you know how hard that is.  Brought on as a fertility specialist to solve a puzzling epidemic of killer pregnancies on the Island, Juliet becomes deeply tangled in the web of the Dharma Initiative and Ben Linus’ pile of bullshit.  Her seemingly stoic nature was perfect Ben lackey criteria, doing his evil bidding until she decided to switch teams and play for the good guys.  Juliet is strong, intelligent, and cool as a cucumber under enormous stress (and ticking time bombs – literally), and that’s why she’s the Lostie I’d pick in any crisis.     

8.  Trinity  (The Matrix)

Computer hackers might have been those losers in mom’s basement before 1999.  But after Trinity, they were hot, decked in leather, and owned an unlimited supply of shades and ammo.  There’s probably no one cooler than Trinity, or no one cooler than I can think of.  Out of all the ladies on this list, she can learn how to fly a helicopter in three seconds and kick your ass a thousand different ways if you give her an hour or two.  And in slow-motion.  Dodge that.

9.  Neytiri  (Avatar)

The newest woman to the list is tall, beautiful, and blue.  Neytiri is the cat-like Na’vi princess of James Cameron’s Pandora, existing organically by living off the earth and connecting with her world.  Her peaceful symbiosis with nature is what makes her such a great new addition to feminine canon, but also her gargantuan bow and arrow for keeping you the hell off her planet.

10.  Sarah Connor  (T2: Judgment Day)

Everyone remembers The Terminator, but Sarah Connor didn’t become a presence until T2: Judgment Day.  Having been locked away for talking nonsense, Sarah made sure to tone those guns in case Arnold ever showed his face again.  Sarah Connor busting out of the hospital is one of the best payback scenes in cinema history (that orderly certainly had it coming).  She has a rough exterior, but underneath it all, she’s driven by an overpowering love for her son.  Maybe just a little rage, too.

John Williams to return for final Harry Potter flick?

imageScoreKeeper over at AICN is running with the story that David Heyman answered a recent question on the subject of John Williams’ returning to the franchise’s final outing with:

If we can make it work, and that’s a big if, for his schedule and ours, then yes.

Williams, obviously a movie composing classic, would be a big-name composer for the final Potter flick. 

But with so many lesser-known composers now creating magnificent scores, and the Potter franchise as established as it is, does it really need Williams back again?

Ron Weasley contracts swine flu; cue inevitable Hogwarts jokes

rupert-grintAs reported by Yahoo, Harry Potter actor Rupert Grint (who plays Ron Weasley) has recovered from a mild bout of swine flu just days before the premiere of the latest Potter movie.

"It has just been confirmed that Rupert Grint has taken a few days out of filming due to a mild bout of swine flu," his publicist said.

"He has now recovered and is looking forward to joining his fellow cast members at the junket and premieres this week and will then return to filming directly afterwards."

Five New Harry Potter Posters

harry_potter_6-1Warner Brothers have debuted five new character posters for the latest installment in the hit Harry Potter film franchise.

You can view them all here.

Now, call me a cynic, but I don’t like these.  Maybe it’s the crop of the posters online, but they almost seem too in-your-face.  The characters seem too close to the border, the title just a little too big.

The action in each of the shots seems melodramatic, and lacking the genuine passion that it’s very clear from the trailer that the actual film will possess.

I realise the movie will be a box office success regardless of the quality of the posters they release, but still.  Not overly impressed.   Maybe I am too cynical.

‘Harry Potter’ Prequel Goes Online

For those of you who weren’t aware, J.K. Rowling handwrote an 800-word short prequel to Harry Potter for a charity auction.

The handwritten story was sold for £25,000 ($48,858).

The story has now leaked online, featuring a young Sirius Black and James Potter, and you can read the two pages below.

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